i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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