I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
