it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
