he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
