There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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