Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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