Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
