Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
