After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
