she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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