I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
