It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
