2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
