P.S. I can't hear my feet
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I love you. Go after that dick
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
