Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
