i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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