I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
