Pappa wants mamma naked
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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