Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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