it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
