ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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