I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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