Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
