I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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