remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
