i just wanna soil my oats bro
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
