the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
