You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Shitshow foam night was such a success
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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