we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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