We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize