dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
