how can u be prego again
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
