Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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