john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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