in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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