addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
