Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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