i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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