His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
