do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
