I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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