3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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