i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
