I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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