I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
