I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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