the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
