At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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