cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think your dad took our porno
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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