I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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