she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
