mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
ok first of all what the fuck
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
