It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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