And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
