Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize