then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
