Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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