The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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