he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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