Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
