I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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