Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
