If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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