Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
