I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
