He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
