Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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